Awkwardness and Social Lubricant

7 CommentsMental Illness

I hate being the awkward person in a conversation. It normally isn’t my problem. Often, I am the life of the party. Not so much lately. I’ve been withdrawn, and haven’t seen a lot of people. People miss me, and I miss them… in a manner of speaking.

A couple of new(ish) friends invited Jenny and I over, and we played games. It was a good time, but we don’t know each other very well, so awkward silences kept coming up, and I kept trying to fill them. In the past, I was better at this. Mania has an amazing trait: Social Lubricant.

I know, you were probably thinking I was going to talk about booze. I still am. Keep your panties on.

Back to topic. When I’m manic, I find it easy to come up with topics, and ask poignant questions. Since I’m not manic, I kept high-jacking the conversation. (I’m sorry, guys. I was trying, I promise!) Mostly, we ended up talking about cats, food, our kids,  dogs, my mom and Jenny’s dad. I didn’t get to learn much about our friends, because I didn’t know what to say.

It’s a sad thing. But, it’s part of the price I pay to remain firmly planted in this part of sanity.  Next time, maybe we will all drink. It may make things a bit smoother, since Jenny and I tend to loosen up in a good way when buzzed. I try not to do that too often, because I’ve had serious drinking issues in the past. It just might help in this case, however. If they ever invite us over again.

In other news, Jenny and I just finished our second run for c25k, and we are optimistic that we will be in shape before the wedding. Squee!!

How are all of you doing?

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7 Comments

  1. zooey

    I dunno if this helps, but give them a small snapshot of something you’ve been doing…making bread, Couch to 5K, minecraft or legos, how it is going with no processed food, a sentence journal a day for 5 years, MtG, stuff like that. Or perhaps something you wished you were doing. Or something a friend is doing you find interesting. Sure bet you’ve been through those, just a thought. Hugs. You are a great person. Don’t forget that. Silences come from both sides. Maybe they are used to them/ok with them.

  2. Amy

    I am a very socially awkward person. Of course, I have major social anxiety that has progressed into agoraphobia (fitting enough, I just wrote about this on my own blog). But putting the anxiety issues aside, I still don’t think social skills would be high on my list. Mania does help me in talking to others, but I’m pretty sure at that point I just scare them 😀 In the past a few shots of liquor would help loosen me up enough to participate socially, but I did have a tendency to go overboard with it at times, so I don’t rely on that much anymore…well, unless my mom is around. I can’t really handle her for long without something to take the edge off lol

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