How Am I Doing?

3 CommentsJenny
My Soul Laid Bare by funkichkn on deviantART (CC BY-NC-ND 3.0)

My Soul Laid Bare by funkichkn on deviantART (CC BY-NC-ND 3.0)

Lots of people ask how I am doing. I truly appreciate the fact that they know that I, too, am going through something difficult with all of this. I usually answer with an, “I’m okay,” or, “Eh, so so,” with a slight shake of my head. I’ve never been one to hide how I’m feeling from people.

More specifically, I’m holding it together most of the time. I’m not a basket case. But I am finding it hard to do much that’s productive, and I’m stress eating like a fiend. The ambush crying strikes me occasionally, but I do find it therapeutic. It’s like my cup runeth over (in a bad way), and the crying takes the level down a bit. Until it fills up again.

I am feeling fairly helpless, both because I’m here and he’s there and I can’t do anything or say anything except during our short visits, and because even when he is released, there may be little I can do, other than just be there. But I’m hoping we’ll have some plans to work on and action to take.

So, in short, I’m struggling, but I’ll be fine. Rory and I will work through this together, which makes all the difference. I have no allusions that the medication change will be a magic (series of) pill(s), but they will be the next step to finding things that work. Continued progress—or at least continued efforts, since sometimes there are steps backward—no matter how small, has a huge impact on one’s resolve and optimism.

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3 Comments

  2. Jenny

    Thanks. Mostly I just need to be able to fall apart when I need to. =) But I’m usually able to work that out.

  3. Li

    The most important thing you are doing. My personal opinion is love is the cure. If if is not cure yet it needs be reapplied.

    I would suggest examining the question of meaning: why you do things, what your expect from them, if it is the best thing you can and should do right now…what is your calling. These are deep personal questions…not answerable by drugs. They take time. Depression is often caused when meaning is lost; you can even induce depression in previously healthy young people by exposing them to conditions that are inhumane, mechanical, incomprehensible, meaningless and absurd…something that the machine of the current existence does to many people today, much more than it was in the past. The situation of depression may just mean something needs to be radically changed to bring happiness into your life. Perhaps simple mindfulness can bring a whole world of difference.

    Every other person today seems to be popping pills…as if they were the answer. Not only the are the anti depressive drugs humbug and scam, they are harmful. (see The Emperor’s New Drugs: Exploding the Antidepressant Myth)

    Understanding the nature of spiritual dimension of life is, on the other hand, is the answer. That is why I have such a high opinion of love.

    Love is life… a process of incessant change and struggle….but it is, ultimately, optimistic. It is definitely not easy and in this regard “cheap” solution but the only one possible.

    You may have some inspiration here: http://www.sintropia.it/luigi.htm (to have a sample what it is about) or, perhaps there are some more insights in Anxiety, Depression and Anguish in the light of the Theory of Vital Needs at Amazon. You may also have a look at Logotherapy – therapy with meaning by Victor Frankl.

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