Sometimes, it doesn’t matter that I’m not manic. I’ve been dealing with it for so long, some of the behaviors are just, well, habits. It really sucks, because there’s nothing my meds can do to fix this stuff. It can only come with therapy, and behavioral awareness. It will take time, but I can do it. The real bitch of it is that sometimes, I make these super ambitious plans that are totally not realistic. It’s not that I’m manic, and I think I can actually finish them on time. It’s that I think I should have big goals, because I always have big goals. I then have to follow through on them. And, I’m kind of terrible at that part.
Right now, I’ve got sewing projects, embroidery projects, doll making projects, you name it. On top of that, I’ve scheduled a group cooking session, and I have dance lessons this afternoon. Oy. I keep myself busy! Oh, and did I mention, I have to have the sewing project done by Friday morning? Yeah, that’s not super likely to happen. So, my only choice is to sit back, take a deep breath, and re-prioritize. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
We will see what I get done this week. It may all work out. Then again, I just remembered that I have to pack for a trip this weekend. So yeah, that sewing project isn’t getting done. Oh well. Good thing I didn’t promise anyone that it would be done. Or, you know, that I was going to do it at all. /yay.
So, What I do about this is look into my own brain. I think about things like “are my thoughts racing?” or “Do I feel invincible?”. This lets me think critically about why I am doing something, and I can view the current project with a more critical eye. This allows me to consider more realistic options, and form realistic goals. Yes, it’s exhausting, but it’s totally worth it. We will see what I can get done this week. Maybe I will surprise myself. If I do, it will be because I have lowered my expectations for the week to more manageable levels.
Thanks for listening, dear reader. Carry on.