All I Want to Do Is Eat Sugar

"Raw sugar closeup" by Editor at Large - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.5

“Raw sugar closeup” by Editor at Large – Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.5

Huzzah for the fall. Huzzah for cold. Boo for my growing waistline. Seriously. Rapid cycling? Always means more sugar. I’m not unstable, but I do experience more emotions in my day. Being depressed makes me want to self-soothe, in as lazy a way as possible. Being slightly manic makes me want calories to feed the energy rush. The result: eating lots and lots of sugar.

Generally speaking, eating more sugar isn’t the worst thing. It comes in waves, I am able to cut other calories, so I’m not gaining weight, and it doesn’t make me feel like crap, physically. But all of those things lead me ever closer to the sad shelf of Diabetes.  Most of my family is diabetic, but I can’t do that to myself. So, I have to be careful.

Generally speaking, Jenny, the kids, and I have different cravings for desserts. For example, chocolate, pie, cake, ice cream, vanilla, fro-yo, and soft-serve; I don’ t like these things. Donuts, danishes, persians, and cola? All over it. Jenny and the kids would kill puppies to get their hands on pretty much anything chocolate, but are great at saying “no” to pop-tarts (which breaks my heart, constantly).

Thankfully, Jenny is pretty good at helping me shy away from cola. I used to be good at avoiding dessert in general. We did really well for a while. Then I remembered that I can cook. I mean, I can cook. I started baking again. Then came the slippery slope of desserts from scratch. Because desserts can be made with so few ingredients (most of which are needed for real food), it’s impossible to say “no desserts in the house”, because if you have milk, eggs, vanilla, and sugar, you can make like 1,000 different desserts. Add flour and lard to the mix? Oh, son, you just got diabetes.

So. Here I am on a Friday night. Today, I’ve had orange soda, Dr. Pepper, Coke, A&W Root Beer, a bunch of gum, a huge pile of custard (which was my delicious 95% sugar breakfast), some tacos, and a burger and fries. Sound healthy? No? Damned straight, no. I was awful to my body today. And tomorrow? I’m going to the movie theatre. I already know I’m screwed on the sugar front for tomorrow.

Oh, and did I mention that there are (at this moment) over 40 cans of soda in the house because Fry’s had a decent sale? Yep. This is why I never lose weight in the fall. I lose weight fine in the winter; I just don’t eat as much when it’s super cold out. But fall? Sugar. More sugar. Eggnog, and more sugar.

I’ve gotta get this under control. I’d like to keep all of my toes, thank you very much. Unless you’re willing to trade those toes for a few less flash-backs. I’d make that trade, any day. But for sugar? No.

So, here’s my solution: Have a very controlled amount of sugar. Having a can of soda keeps me from making a dessert, or going to Circle K for a 44oz soda. Limiting myself to one a day will go a long way. I’m going to write dates on them, so I can look at them, and remind myself to wait. For the rest, I’m just saying “no”. Any time I can say “no” is a time that I’m saving my health. It’s hard this time of year, but it’s worth the work.

TL;DR: I eat too much sugar when I’m rapid-cycling. I’m going to make sure I don’t die of diabetes, because responsibility.

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