Some times you just need to pull yourself out, and help yourself, so you can get help. (Temper knows!)
I got an email today, and I’ve received permission to share it with you all. Here it is:
“Hey, I wanted to share this with you, because I really think your blog helps people… including me.
I had a really bad panic attack Saturday night. I was sore for the next couple of days. It’s really hard to explain to people what it’s like to deal with anxiety. It’s something that I struggle with daily. There are periods of time when it’s easier, but I haven’t had one of those in a while.
I called my mom on Saturday night as my anxiety was starting to flare up. She met me at home and brought me some Xanax (which was not prescribed to me, because I’d never seen a doctor about my anxiety). I took it, and she sat with me while I calmed down.
When my chest still hurt on Sunday, she suggested that I go see a doctor. I trust my doctor very much, but to be honest, my anxiety makes me feel like a crazy person, and I didn’t want my doctor to know that I’m crazy. I don’t want anyone to know that I’m crazy. I wasn’t happy about my mom seeing it, but I didn’t feel like I had another choice. My chest still hurt on Monday, so my mom convinced me to make an appointment to see my doc, just to make sure everything was okay.I don’t have any idea (medically) what can happen to your body when it goes into that kind of shock, so I felt that a checkup was a good idea.
When I went, he asked me a few questions about it, and he asked me more questions that I never would have thought to ask, but that seemed very relevant. He asked me how long I’ve felt anxious, and he asked me how long it takes me to fall asleep at night. After a long discussion, and an EKG just to be safe, he put me on an anti-anxiety daily medicine. When he did this, he talked to me about why he was putting me on it, and how he thought that this would make my life better, and make me more able to think clearly. He didn’t make me feel crazy at all. He told me that I can take it for a while, and if I feel like I could stop taking it, then I could try to go without it for a while and see how I feel, but he reiterated that I didn’t have to.
Your blog makes me feel like I can relate to someone-which makes me feel less crazy. Even though sometimes our issues are very different, I feel like I can relate to them. I feel like you dealing with your issues means that I can deal with mine. You set a good example for facing your problems and working towards a resolution instead of hiding from them and pretending they don’t exist. Thank you.”
*And, back to Rory. I have to impress on you all how important it is to NEVER take medications that are not prescribed to you. This email made me feel really happy. I love it when people take their care as seriously as they should. Whether or not you get encouragement from your friends and family, you should always seek help if you think you may have any kind of mental health issues.
You are not crazy. Being sick does not mean being broken. Get help. Your doctor will not judge you, and if he does, you should kick him in the balls. In your head. Because, oh my God, what a dick, but you don’t want to go to jail. ( I also don’t want to be sued for telling you to kick him in the balls. Or her in the vagina-because that would be weird…) But seriously, see a doctor, see a therapist, see any professional. You are worth the effort to be healthy.
In a separate correspondence, she told me that her father accused her of being weak, when she talked to him. This is unacceptable, and when my mother told me the same thing, I told her to fuck off. Just like that, and she knew I didn’t approve of her attitude, and has never accused me of being weak again. Please remember that anyone accuses you of being weak, crazy, or lazy, just doesn’t understand. And many of those same people have mental health issues that they ignore, or are not comfortable talking about.
Just take care of yourself, please. Carry on, dear reader.
If you would like to read up on mental health issues, you can check out these books:
Also living with anxiety