Meme Response 1: Putting My Cock on the Table

No idea how to credit this. It’s a meme. Sorry if I’m infringing on your intellectual property. If so, please let me know and I will credit you or remove the image.

So, this. This is how people think about introverts and other super nerds. Many of my friends are nerdy or weird only with certain people. They gush about Doctor Who or Firefly, or darning socks, for God’s sake. It’s all unique to the people in question, and who they are surrounded by. I am NOT this kind of person. (Jenny is totally this kind of person.)

I am weird. You ALL know this. I have days where I am completely outrageous, inappropriate, and offensive. Any of you who have met me in real life know that I have no problem casually grabbing the nearest breast, ass, or God forbid, crotch. This is not because I am comfortable with the people I am surrounded by. In fact, it’s because I’m uncomfortable.

I deal with the world in a very reactionary way. I get a stimulus that makes me uncomfortable, and I do the first thing I can to make other people uncomfortable. I refer to this as “putting my cock on the table.” Most of my acquaintances are familiar with the results of this, but not with why I do it.

I do this because I don’t cope well with any kind of stress. Someone will ask me a question, and I’ll refuse to answer. This is usually because I really don’t think they want the truth. Also, I can’t lie. I just can’t. We’ll talk about that later. Anyway, I can’t just white lie my way out of a conversation. I just bluntly say, “I don’t think you want to actually hear the answer to that question.” I can’t say, “I’m uncomfortable talking about that,” because I’m just not. I don’t mind talking about anything. (Insert sarcastic shock from the audience).

Other things. I don’t know how to phrase this one… Okay, say I grab your butt. You are fine with it, because I’m just kidding, and having fun. Then you grab my butt, and I blush like a perfect rose tinted sunset. (Wasn’t that beautiful?) Anyway, I’m not comfortable being treated the way I treat other people. I make a point of not screwing with people who will mess with me back. I pick on people, and I’m even a bully about it sometimes. If you have been the victim of this, please speak up. I officially apologize in the lamest kind of way, because, well, I’ll do it again anyway.

I have one friend, one, who I know I can mess with, and he will always forgive me. I’ll call him Simon. Simon is a cute name, right? No? Jeremy? That’s better. Anyway, Jeremy knows why I pet his nipples, and rub his leg a little too close to sensitive bits. More importantly, he understands the behavior. I have been known to text him after seeing him, just to apologize for being a dick and/or getting too close to his. He jovially texts back, saying things like “I knew it was something,” or “no worries.”

The thing about Jeremy is that when we spend time with other people, I’m more likely to be weird, and he understands that. When it’s just a small group of the people I allow in my house (these are called friends, people), I know that I don’t have to be uncomfortable, and I am much less likely to do stuff like that.

I just realized I’ve been rambling on about something that could have taken a couple of sentences to say. Here it is. If I’m not being weird, then I’m comfortable. If I don’t grope you, or lick you, or give you wet willies just to piss you off, then I genuinely feel comfortable with you.

So there it is. Carry on, dear reader.