Sometimes, it doesn’t matter that I’m not manic. I’ve been dealing with it for so long, some of the behaviors are just, well, habits. It really sucks, because there’s nothing my meds can do to fix this stuff. It can only come with therapy, and behavioral awareness. It will take time, but I can do
So, I’ve been tasked, for the third time, with filling out an assessment form. This is the kind of thing where you REALLY need to know where you are on these scales. The assessment has a lot of simple questions that have very complex answers. The questions include things, like : Do you have problems
So, I’ve probably said it before, but I hate that this is “accurate” to the uneducated. Hell, even to the educated, sometimes. The thing is, there is only one bit to this whole thing that is accurate. The “How I actually feel” is pretty dead on. If I had the patience, I’d make a new
TRIGGER ALERT: This whole post is likely a trigger. Don’t read it if you are sensitive to such things. I’m so tired that I’m shaky. That doesn’t help what I have to deal with. Last time, back in late January, we spent the afternoon at the hospital, and checked him in at evening time. The
I do so much in the effort to not be offensive. It hurts a lot when someone starts drama. It seems like no matter how hard I try, people think I’m just out to start crap. You know what it boils down to? Honesty. I’m serious. I’ll be completely honest with someone. No judgement, just
So, I’m a bit off. I’m dealing with an odd combination of emotions, including feeling hyper, excited, happy, worried, frustrated, and oddly relaxed. It’s hard to focus on things like being socially appropriate, and wording things well for the kids. It’s also hard to make decisions, because I don’t know if I really want to
Sitting here, crying my eyes out, I wonder why I haven’t killed myself. I have dreamt, wished and planned. I have tried. But I’ve never succeeded, thankfully. But it occurs to me: Why am I not dead yet? It struck me today; I participate in the slowest, most painful form of suicide possible. Living. I
I hate the heat. I hate being manic. I REALLY hate being manic and hot at the same time. Tonight I’m angry at everything, tired, and just plain fussy. Even cuddling with my Jenny isn’t helping. Sometimes I wonder if my world is going to be ruled by my mental illness, and I despair. Then
Everyone knows about mood swings. They are those awful, awful things that can take a grown man from glowing with pride to bawling of embarrassment all in one moment. But there’s more to mental illness, particularly Bipolar Disorder, than that. The worst thing of all is what I like to call “energy swings.” Energy swings
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline One of the questions I get the most often is; “What does it feel like to be suicidal?” I think people are trying to understand why I would want to kill myself, not once, but twice in my life. I’ve never had a good
