Sometimes, Nothing Works

Sometimes, the Big Black D doesn't ever go away. :(

Sometimes, the Big Black D doesn’t ever go away. :(

After yesterday’s post ran, I got some very valid, albeit emotional, responses. These responses indicate a terrible truth about mental illness. Sometimes, there is no help to be had.

I am lucky. My meds work, I’m mostly okay, and I can mostly control myself. This isn’t the case for everyone. Some people just don’t respond to medication, therapy, or peer support. At least, those things don’t help them. They do “all the right things” and nothing helps. It fucking sucks.

This is my one-time announcement that this kind of thing exists. In the future, my posts will continue to be positive. If nobody had pointed out the hope I had (thanks, Zooey!) then I’d never have started treatment two and a half years ago. It’s important for people to know that there is help to be had.

On a daily update note:

  • I’m still depressed as shit. I am having a hard time enjoying stuff, but I’ve been able to actually do it, so hope is not lost yet.
  • I had to go to the dentist and have part of my jaw shaved off, because it splintered after my last extraction. That was fun.
  • There are presents under and, strangely enough, in, the Christmas tree with my name on them! It’s a bit novel. I’ve been given explicit instructions that I’m not allowed to even touch them! It may seem a bit odd, but I’m really good at figuring these kinds of things out.  I promised not to check things out, but the next two weeks may be a bit of curious agony as I wait for Christmas.

I hope you guys are all well. Happy Whatever, and here’s counting down to the new year!

Share if it spoke to you!


  1. As a BP2 as sometimes is the case, NO antidepressants worked on my. In fact, they made me worse. It was a lot of experimenting to find the magic cocktail for me (hehe I said cock and tail, snort). Seriously, everyone’s chemistry is as unique as we are. So for those who are still struggling to find something to help, keep that in mind. There may be something as a group or singly that will help you out. Keep searching. Ask for second opinions. Look for another therapist. There are ways to keep on keeping on.

    Another is that even though I am ok right now, I can relapse (and did last April) into depression. It took several months to problem solve and also wait it out. It took adjustments to my sleep patterns and meds that time. In my instance, BP2 is a disease which requires vigilance.

    As for your presents, Rory. Anticipation is half the fun! Enjoy this part of the holidays.

    Cheers and hugs.

    • Yay, typos! 😛 I remember you sharing a lot of that with me. Honestly, you are a big part of why I am able to put some of this into words. I love you, Z.

  2. Tina

    Also people should remember that just because meds may not work right now drug companies are always working on new things. So the meds that may work for them could be just around the corner.

    • True that. But it takes years for any particular medication to be tested and approved. Of course, those time periods overlap, so new things ARE coming out at any given time.

  3. Nice post. 🙂

    In the case of the person I was talking about yesterday, he has no diagnosis of what’s going on, for how long, what to expect, when to expect it…etc., despite having gone to various psychiatric specialists, counselors, therapists, and a gazillion specialty doctors (that in itself can be overwhelming). The not knowing would make the most sane person crazy! We often comment ‘if we just had a name to what is going on…’, it would certainly help.

    But, we don’t so we keep pushing forward the best as possible, hopeful that someday we will have an answer (even if there’s no ‘cure’ or help… Just knowing what it is would be helpful).

    I forgot to mention how much I liked the title of your post yesterday! LOL Boy, did that create GREAT mental images, but not of you, OK? You did say ‘black’. LMAO 🙂

  4. I am one of the lucky folks who has very little success with medication. Rapid cycling is a bitch, plain and simple. Most meds make it worse. And of course, the one combo that actually did work quite well for me is out of my price range for now, and for some lovely reason it is no longer covered under the patient assistance plan available to me. So. Frustrating, frustrating, frustrating! But I am not blind to the fact that not every day is hell. There are a few in there (if not a whole day, then a few minutes) that I feel good. And I savor those moments. I try to remind myself those good moments do come back – I am always afraid they won’t, but they do. I really don’t know how I will feel from one minute to the next. It makes me irritable, indecisive, and a bit cynical. But I try to focus more on what does help than what doesn’t. For instance, sleep is a major factor for me. If I can keep my sleep schedule halfway normal, it helps keep my moods in a more reasonable range. I always fall off the exercise wagon, but I am trying to get back on it again since that tends to do wonders too. It’s not a lost cause, even if it feels that way a good portion of the time.

Comments are closed.