For the last few days, I’ve been running around with headphones half-on. It has caused a bit of confusion around my house. Normally, headphones mean I’m working. Headphones + typing = don’t interrupt. Problem is, I’m wearing my wireless headphones in order to listen to music non-stop. This isn’t because I’m ignoring people, or trying to say I’m busy. It’s because I’m anxious.
Having music run in the background is one of the most effective tools I have to address my anxiety. It takes a track or two of my brain, and gives them something to do. It’s a necessary reduction in ancillary analytical thinking. It doesn’t keep me from working well. When I need to focus, I just tune out. When I open the door for more abstract thinking (read: anxiety), I tune back in, so that my brain is engaged again.
This has caused me to break out my many mix discs from high school. The hottest chick in the high school was my girlfriend, and she made awesome country mix CDs, and I still have all four that she gave me. I’ve been listening to them while I work and it’s been awesome. Country music feeds my soul. Music in general is awesome. Thinking about someone who cared about me a lot, when few people did so? Even more nostalgic awesome.
I’m not trying to ditch the world. I’m trying to ditch my anxiety. Now I’ve gotta convince my family that I’m not ignoring them, when I have no fucking clue what’s going on. It can be quite a barrier to have sound in your ears non-stop. I get it. I’m still not ignoring anyone. That’s why the headphones are only “half” on my ears. I can still hear. You just have to say my name.
Shit. I suddenly feel the need to fix my ‘do. I need to color coordinate my hair and clothes to every room in the house. Not sure why? Ask the best Child in the world, Destiny’s: